Tuesday, October 25, 2011.
> 12:54:00 AM.
dear blogger, i was ecstatic in the afternoon because i got a distinction on my graduation project. i got fucking A. 85 over a 100. But something was missing, the person i'd text for the past few months over every single joy and mishap was missing. I didnt love him, like love love, i just like talking to him and maybe i fell in love with the friendship
God this is soo hard, urgh.
so these few months we talked, sometimes really sweet to each other and sometimes we talk sarcastically to each other. but never once did he mention that he was dating someone else
Yes, say it; here we go again.
the same fucking pain, the same feelings.
i dont know why i feel this way, it's like i lost a friend, worse, someone i love.
So we were all fine till recently for the past few days my missing in action person didnt lavish the attention he did to me. The usual questions i normally find annoying wasnt so annoying afterall.
i waited for him to ask how was my day, or say somthing stupid to make me laugh; he makes me laugh alot though they are of lame reasons.
i kept asking and annoying him but he was always just so busy.
then the same gut feeling came about (refer to previous few post - the hyped up awareness)
fuck that feeling, i knew something was up and i didnt wanna lose my friend just yet
They say that women are capable of finding out the whole truth by just giving hem a lead.
I figured out the whole story without even asking a question, but i just wanted to be selfish. i didnt want you to have a girlfriend or date because the cold hard truth was that your friendship helped me get over my latest heartbreak, and i waned you to be there till it fully healed.
Not much people would understand what im going through, you knew how it felt like to work in a convenience store. you fucking knew.
I'll tell you about my classmates and you always listened, sometimes calling me late at night just cause you cant sleep, or waking me up in the morning because you wanna hear my blur baby voice. And now you tell me it's been going on for quite sometime.
you were my fucking friend, couldnt you tell me something?
i thought we were cool the way we were, and i was always texting you.
You asked if we could still go eat naan because you still loved me as a friend and i make you laugh at the silliest things. dont you see, things cant be the way it was before because if i go out with you, i'll be the relationship wrecker.
so kudos, here's to people always withholding the truth from me because they feel no need to tell me, here's to the people who broke my heart even though we were only friends because telling the truth might kill you. and here's to the people who break my heart, and then say things are not changing, and try to carry on with life.
i dont understand why you couldnt tell me you were going to your date's house or watch a movie with your date/gf when all you said was a friend. Why lie to me when i have been completely honest with you?
Now im the bitch in your relationship, and i was always be the bitch because no one likes sharing.
