Had another nightmare today. I couldn't do much cause I couldn't call anyone considering the weird hours. I just lay there, and cried. Now I'm going to go to work with puffy eyes. Greeeat. And I said, " god loves Lia. And it happened for a reason" funny how it suddenly changed my perspective of everything. I'm still new to this, praying and stuff. And trusting people, trying to smile fo real, though I've mastered the art of false laughter and wide smiles, no one really is able to tell them apart. I just get home and sorta wash the smile right off. Cause I don't wanna be percieved as weak, or whatever. I just wanna be Celia. That's all. I just want to fall alseep at night, knowing that when morning comes, it'll be a new day and it's another day that I've lived my life since. But why's it so hard?