Friday, October 30, 2009.

> 10:03:00 PM.

Just what does it take to gain praises?

/ okay, i mean it in a good way.
my mom's nonchalent attitude is totally taking a toll on me.
take graduation day for instance, i had to rush to the shop right after it ended so she could attend some meeting
/ either Amway or Century 21.
and so i tell her the good news, told her that her daughter ( obviously me -.-) got a cert for science because i improved by a massive three grade point, from a 4 to a 1.
and what does she say? "good", while mulit tasking between fixing her hair and checking the price on the invoice.

/oookaay, maybe she's just busy.

then i told her i got second in class, a major feat for me. she just went waaaa, and smiled. then left for the toilet.

/ hello? *waves* i just freaking told you i got second in class, SECOND!

told her i almost got a distinction for english ( just three marks more) and she totally ignored that, demanding to know how much i got for math.
/ clearly she dosent realise the yongest was yearing for a pat the back, or.. or, maybe a WOW! GREAT JOB!( notice the exclaimation marks). =(
so i said failed by 6 marks. and then i kinda spaced out after her speech about paying for tuition, yet i failed part. i mean come on! the closest i ever got to 40 was like years back, i think in sec 2
/excluding the N's. i got a whooping 4! =) i secretly think someone wrote my index number accidentally or sth.
i told her it was hard to study 7 subjests ( if you were to break down the components)
ans she asked how hard can it be
/how hard?! HOW HARD?! *faints*

well, maybe my hints got to her, she finally asked to see my report book =))

i swear, in lightning speed, fooosh it was on the counter, but NOOOO! she had to receive a call and then told me she was late.

oh wells, she wouldnt understand anyways, it's been like this since 3294203745932 years.

always her son, listens to her son, pays attention to her son.

when he got 165 got his P.S.L.E, my mom bought him a game boy

/ it was the "in" thing then

and when i got 175 for MY P.S.L.E she didnt really get me anything.

she didnt even come got the graduation thingy.

my sister did. she has always been the one taking care of me, since 43945893 years, so i wasnt really bothered

but sadly, she failed her N's by a point.

/ they had POA as a compulsary subject then, i would've died!

and my mom got pissed off because she found out about daniel*

matter if fact, daniel* was the reason my sister improved from technical to acad, but nooo, all she did was blame my sister's reationship hindered her grades.

they fought and my mom sent my sister to philippines.

my sister then took some multimedia course and worked part time as a journalist to cover the rent.

she couldnt stay with my gramps cause her school's kinda far.

and after like 3 years she finally came back to try her luck at Shatec.

her passion for cooking still burned. but my mother didnt want her to be a chef.

/according to her, chefs slog it out in the kitchen hardly ever coming out to face the sun.

oh yeah, my brother failed his N's and my mom didnt blame the computer

/major unfair right? knowing him, he said he didnt have enough subjects. ( crapp) and also blamed everyone withing a 3 meter radius for he plight HE got himself in. his teacher not good la, celia too fat la, the weather too hot la. etc, etc.

you know, that sorta stuff.

he took the course his worthless friends took and barely attended school.

got piercings and she still said nothing..

meanwhile, i passed my N's and instead of congratulating me, she nagged to work harder, adn to stop skipping lessons.

/godzilla called her and told her i skippped sylvia ang's lesson -____-

my sister got enrolled into shatec too! and instead of congratulating her, my mom screamed at the fees.

i mean, come on, 4 k a sem is nothing compared the the skills they impart her, the delicious meals she makes and the work attachment abroad that makes good hard ol' cash.

besides, shatec only enrolls 80 students out of the whole singapore, and many foreign student are vying for that positions. my sistere tried for 4 months before she could get in okay!

i loaned 1k to my sister from my savings cause they wanted to see if she was financially stable, like they'd just check her bank account to see of she has 4k -_-

my mom grumbled and fumbled and fumed, but in the end, reluctantly gave in to chip in the rest of the sum.

/notice, at this point my brother's utterly useless and stupid. he can get tangled up in the wires for all i care.

well, eventually she made fantabulous meals, but my mom knew nothing of this.

sometimes i think she doesent care because of all the naughty things celia did when she was young. i did alot of things that made my mom cry. i ran away from home, stayed with my BFF and failed my streaming year

/thank god for my opting form.

butall that was because i detested staying home with my brother. and with my mom constantly being pre-occupied with work,aunt jane, ( BFF's mom) and family taught me things i needed to know. my mom accecpted teh fast that i trusted them more then her.

i confided in them and spend most of my days with them and if i didnt return home by 11, my mom would know i was staying over at their place.

/ BFF stayed close

mind you, all this happened when i was just p4. i'd follow BFF and family to outings, went to snow city with them. heck, even their relatives knew me. they were like a family i never had.

me and my BFF, the affinity, was more then just sisters.

/ nooo, we werent lesbians. =/ i know what you're thinking you pervert.

i gave aunt jane a mother's day card once, c ause to me, she was like the mother i never had, covering the flaws my realy mother showed. teaching me essential stuff i needed to know, like about the period and guys, and how to make d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s coffee.

/aahh. the fond memories..

and truth be told, until today, i still find it hard to confide in my mother.

i'd break cold sweats at the thought of hugging her or telling her i loved her, that was how far we grew.

then it all dawned on me, if i had been different, maybe lets say better to her,would i still be casted behind my doltish, useless, totally moronic brother? then i thought, if i could rewind time, would i really have been better? the cold hard ugly truth - no.

if i had been better, my relationship with my sister wouls't be this great.

and between my momma and my sister, i'd choose my sister first; not because i'm a cold heartless bitch, but because my sister had always been there for me, taking care of me till now.

/ obviously not showering or feeding me laa.

but she puts me first and buys stuff for me even thought she wants that limited editionb puma shoes or is planning of getting herself something.

i knew inevidetly one day my mom wont have time for me anymore. as for my sister, she always have, and will have.

but nevertheless, i'll still love my momma, no matter if my grades dont matter to her, no matter if getting top placings in schools mattered to her, no matter if she choses my brother over me.

cause throu it all, she once loved me.

/and currently also!

and besides, i undestand that she loves my spoilt brother more, despite the harsh cold words he used on her, despite him telling her to get out of the house, because it's natural to dote on one's son.

one's only son for that matters. be it good or bad.

so for my o levels, i'm doing it for the future celia.

not to impress anyone, not to surpass anyone.

but to ensure i get a good job, and prevent all that's happened in MY life.

/ wooah! major long post! SCORE! hopefully this will make up for my previous randomised boring posts.

i took over an hour modifying and correcting spelling errors okay! and im using ther viao ultra thin laptop, fucking hard to use the mouse thingy ( that sensored fingertip below the keyboard thingy) and the internet so slowww!

* name changed to protect identity as his major bastard-ism could kill anyone withing a 5 mile radius

good night people.

XOXO, FattyCelia