Wednesday, July 01, 2009.
> 3:03:00 PM.
right, like it's been eternity since i last blogged.=(
was down with fever for 3 days straight and i had loadsa stuff to settle.
/ like my new bag=)
so anywhats, i'm starting to grow happier.
that's right, GROW.
i've been losing weight constantly and i've actually made miracles happen by actually losing a few pounds. =)
too all those fat hating people, eat shit.
right, so i know everyone's been subconsciously talking about my slow build up of fats.
i swear i never had extra tires 2 years ago.
/ really!
well, i never really talked about it cause it was kinda sensitive.
i mean come on, i'ma girl too.
if you want to blame anyone for the cause of this, blame the person who triggered it 2 years ago. infact, you can throw stones for all i care.
never in my life have i found joy in eating whenever i wanted.
it was a kind of feeling you get when you're all empty inside.
i guess eating's a way to cover the hurt and grieve felt.
/cause you're like too busy munching to even think about what has happened
i guess the weight crept on slowly. gram by gram, like it always does
although i did have a choice to splurge on healthier stuff like celery sticks and raisins, i chose to turn to chocolates, deep fried foods and chocolates.
face it, what's life without deep fried and chocolates?
and since i spent my time alone " recovering" no one told me right from wrong
/ in this case, healthy from unhealthy
it was during this period that i got fat.
i constantly blamed everyone for the plight that i was in.
i learnt that hating the wobbles only made them stay and that i do the unthinkable and embrace them and to forgive them.
i'm not much of an optimist, i'm rather cynical and i do get depressed easily.
and i always assumed i had the world figured out.
but every once in a while the world throws me a curve ball, the kind you never see coming and that's when it hits the hardest.
i'm always bothered by how much my fats interfere. because believe me,
the sneaky bugger's always getting in the way.
/ from deflating my self esteem to trying on new clothes.
i mean i see it EVERYDAY - when i wake up, when i look into the mirror, before i sleep. EVERYWHERE!
i'm not naive enough to believe that being thin could make me perfect, or that i'd magically get everything i want if i lost weight.
and also, i dont believe that my friends and family are that shallow.
i also don't think they dislike me because i'm fat.
but i can't help but wonder,
- would they like me better if i were thin? would they respect me more, and see me as a viable contender?
sometimes it feels like i'm coming at life with a disadvantage.
if i were thin, the playing field would then be level.
and i'm happy that for once, i actually took my anger out on jogging and actually continued it.
but since school started, my daily routine got disrupted
i'm finding for a alternative to keep running, and surprisingly enough,
i actually start to look forward to it.
i have alot of quiet alone time and i get to contemplate thoughts as i sweat a river.
i also get to sort out stuff and relax.
i'm seeing a side of me i never knew,
i actually started liking math too.
weird isn't it?
this bitch aint gna rest till she's back in the game.
and with that, i gotta end cause i came home early to actually blog.
i kinda missed the ticky tacky sound of my keyboard.
i'm actually gonna leave for tuition as soon as i fix the wild bush on my head.
ps/: i sooooo totally forgot about uploading the infection pictures, i did show em to komathi though. hahaha. next time laaa. celia lazy. forever lazy one. =)
and with a happy note, she waves goodbye=)
